


It Burns

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Breakup, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Getting Back Together, M/M, Misunderstandings, Oikawa Tooru-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:56:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23827216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "I just need a break, Oikawa. A break from us."Despite the fire engulfing Oikawa's entire body with the need to scream out - to beg. His expression stayed almost emotionless, only showing understatement."Okay."
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 5
Kudos: 214





	It Burns

**Author's Note:**

> Ha, I hate this.

_ It burns. _

_ Why does everything hurt right now?  _ Oikawa thought as he tried to hang desperately on to Iwaizumi's words. The words weren't processing right in his head - bumping into each other an causing a mess.  _ Did he just say something about different goals?  _ Oikawa's brain was drawing blanks, too busy trying to silence a storm. His heart heard every word though. With every sentence that let Iwaizumi's mouth, Oikawa felt a little piece of his heart fall straight to his stomach. Like a drop of gasoline to a fire, each piece only made the flame worse. It burned like nothing Oikawa had felt before and felt heavy. So, so heavy.

"I just need a break, Oikawa. A break from us."

Despite the fire engulfing Oikawa's entire body with the need to scream out - to beg. His expression stayed almost emotionless, only showing understatement, even though Oikawa was far from understanding. Oikawa didn't even understand what  _ he  _ was doing. His body seemed to be working on its own, like Iwaizumi wanting to end things with him was normal and this was just a natural reflex.

"Okay." 

And then Hajime walked away.

~~

It's been a week. This is okay. Summer break had started so it's not like he and Iwaizumi would ruin some team dynamic. They weren't even playing volleyball anymore anyway. This is okay. Over and Over again Oikawa reminded himself:  _ This is okay. _

Oikawa went through life as bees do. Every step calculated every reaction, every word- all without thinking really. Kinda like a robot, or a dog chasing a car without any regard for the consequences. Oikawa didn't want it any other way. To sit down and think about it would mean to acknowledge the burning in his chest, fingertips, head, and even eyes. It took him a whole twenty-four hours to rid the feeling, he refuses to let it back in. If all it takes is three little words that form a white lie, Oikawa will give in.

It's not like he completely lost Iwaizumi. They have been texting and Iwaizumi came over yesterday for a family dinner. Iwaizumi tried to mention the situation once, and Oikawa simply nodded his head without trying to have the words sink in too deeply.

_ "Hey, I still want us to be friends, okay?" _

That's what Iwaizumi had said. Oikawa just flashed one of his big, convincing, smiles, and nodded his head. Oikawa made sure to chat like normal, tease Iwaizumi like normal, and even went as far to suggest games so the night could go longer. He was exhausted. When Oikawa finally hit the bed, his smile was long gone and the events of that day seemed like a blur. Only what Iwaizumi said seemed to come clearer than day. Oikawa didn't think about it though, he cleared his head and went to sleep.

~~

There was no reason for Oikawa to be this depressed over a breakup, in his opinion. He has been dumped tons of times and even dumped people tons of times. He had never felt a pain so strong until Iwaizumi broke up with him, and honestly, it didn't make sense. Sure, Iwaizumi was  _ different  _ than the other people Oikawa has dated _.  _ So what if he felt different when he was with Iwaizumi? It didn't matter that Oikawa might have thought he was in love with the other boy. Anyone can see that Oikawa isn't. Because people in love don't get overly jealous and possessive. People in love don't yell at and shut out the person they love. 

Oikawa doesn't know how to love and that's why Iwaizumi left. Even if the other didn't say it, Oikawa knew. 

The phrase  _ This is okay _ slowly dies away and is replaced by a black fog. This black fog teaches Oikawa to think but not say, how to feel and not show.  _ This is okay  _ turns into  _ This is fake.  _

A battle between fog and fire begins. The fog fights for ignorance and while the fire fights for release. Today, the fog wins.

Oikawa hopes the fog will win every time. 

~~

It's three in the morning on a Friday when the fire ignites itself in Oikawa's mind and an impulsive decision is made. Oikawa quickly puts an old tracksuit on and some sneakers. Just like that, Oikawa is out the door faster than he made the original thought itself. 

The fire pokes at his eyes; threatening them to make streams down Oikawa's face. He ignores them, of course. He begs that soreness of his legs and struggles for breath will silence the fire. 

It's only an hour before Oikawa decided to stop at a park. He's so tired. The burning won't stop. 

"Fuck...Fuck!" All Oikawa can think about is how embarrassing this is for him. To think he lo - likes Iwaizumi so much it causes physical pain. It's only been - what - two weeks? What is he supposed to do, live the rest of his life without Iwaizumi in endless pain guided by fire and dense fog? 

Hell no. 

This isn't like Oikawa at all, and it leaves him so hurt. 

"Fuck you, Hajime! How am I supposed to be  _ just friends  _ with you!" The words come out in a harsh whisper. His throat is begging to spill more bittersweet words into the open. He chokes them down and, instead, for the first time since Iwaizumi broke up with him, Oikawa cries. The boy drops to his knees and lets the fire win. Forced sobs echo through the humid summer air - the only answer be from crickets in hiding.

Oikawa cries until the fire burns out. 

Oikawa's in love. 

~~

Oikawa shouldn't have been shocked when his whole family (and Iwaizumi) bombarded the brunette with questions the minute he opened the door. 

"Where the hell were you?" Oikawa's father shouted the second his eyes met Oikawa's. The younger boy winced, feeling the fire build from the ashes. The last thing Oikawa needed to do was cry again. 

"Do you know what time it is? I heard you leave Oikawa! What were you thinking? It's almost eight in the morning!"

The other didn't realize he was gone for that long. God, he was so tired. Oikawa didn't want to answer questions or sit through a lecture. Oikawa just wants a break. So, he tells everyone what they want to hear.

"I went for a run and bumped into a friend, Yahaba. Sorry for worrying you." That was a complete lie. Oikawa ran for an hour, cried for another, and then continued to roam around before coming home. If Oikawa told his parents (he ran for five hours, they'd lecture him to no end. 

Oikawa's mother sighed before beginning to speak. "You're lucky Iwaizumi was here to calm your father down. Just tell someone when you're gonna leave, Okay?"

"Sorry, mom. Here I'll make breakfast to make it up to you!" Oikawa shinned his bright (totally fake) smile while snaking his way to the kitchen and out of sight.

"Make a plate for Iwaizumi too!"

"Yeah, yeah!" 

It had been barely a minute before Oikawa could feel a hole being burned into his back. Oikawa knew Iwaizumi was staring at him from across the room but to acknowledge it would mean starting up a conversation. 

"Oikawa."

Apparently, Iwaizumi doesn't feel the same. 

"Iwa-chan," Oikawa replies as he turns around to meet Iwaizumi. The other male almost looks shocked.  _ Has it really been that long since I've said that?  _ Oikawa thinks. It seems impossible that there would be a day where one word would seem so foreign. It Doesn't matter though, the shock on Iwaizumi's face is soon replaced with an unreadable expression. The shorter boy slowly pulls up a stool to sit on and leans over the counter - as if to test Oikawa's patience. Oikawa doesn't break though, even if he desperately wants to scream at Iwaizumi how much everything burns. 

Emerald eyes meet his and they say everything Iwaizumi wants to say.  _ Are you okay? Why are you lying? Did I hurt you? _

Oikawa won't answer, not with his eyes, nor with words. Oikawa wants to hear Iwaizumi say it. More than that, Oikawa wants Iwaizumi to explain. Explain what a  _ break  _ means, and why they're going  _ in different ways.  _ Is that even happening? Oikawa's sure he'll follow Iwaizumi anywhere. He'd drop his goal to visit Spain in a heartbeat and follow Iwaizumi into the sun if he needed to.

_ You mean more to be that Volleyball, dumbass.  _ Oikawa won't say that though, especially when he might not mean more to Iwaizumi.

"If I called Yahaba right now, would he say the same story you just told?" Iwaizumi finally speaks. 

"Huh?"

"I have his number."

"What kind of conversation topic is this? 

"Why are you lying?"

_ Ah, there it is. _

"I went for a jog, you act as if I became a drug lord."

"Even you don't jog at three in the morning."

"I couldn't sleep."

"Why?"

"What's it to you?"

God, this is stupid. Oikawa is acting like a child and he knows it. He wants to make Iwaizumi frustrated - just because Oikawa's felt nothing but burning for the past two weeks. He really does want to clear up this whole mess and just say how he actually feels, but not before acting like a schoolgirl on her period. 

"I don't want to fight with you Oikawa."

"We aren't fighting."

"Listen, I get the feeling your mad at me so -"

"I am mad at you." Oikawa interrupted, "How can I not be mad at you?" Here it is, the final flame before Oikawa gave out for good. He won't fight it, not this time. "How could I be okay with you leaving me?"

"Oikawa, I get it's hard, but we have different plans and-"

"Is that your resolve?" Oikawa made sure not to raise his voice, but he didn't stop the tears from leaving his eyes or the sobs overtaking his words. "I want you more than I want Spain, Hajime." Chocolate eyes held emerald ones with a fire that screamed more than vulnerability, but deep sincerity.  _ I want you. _

"Tooru I don't want you to do that for me that's why this I ended things, remember? Plus I don't know what I'm gonna yet..."

"Please, tell me how the hell that leads to you leaving me! Did you hear what I just said, I won't go to Spain if this is what it takes. I'll help you figure out what you're gonna do. We'll do this together like we're supposed to."

"Oikawa-"

"No, listen to me. It's not like I'm moving to Spain, I'll come back to you."

"Oikawa, wait-"

"Going to Spain isn't gonna stop me from loving you!."

"Oikawa! Shut up, the stove is on fire!" 

_ Wait. What? _

~~

Oikawa slumped down in his coach, exhausted both physically and mentally. Oikawa's parents helped him clean up the mess, and Iwaizumi left to help his mother with a chore.

_ This is what happens when you let fires loose.  _ But the burning is gone. But, the fire left parts of Oikawa with third-degree burns that hurt if he thinks too much about it. 

_ At least you go to say how you felt.  _ This resolve will have to do for now. 

"Tooru~" His mother sang as she joined him on the couch. "Are you excited to fly to Spain tomorrow."

_ Tomorrow, seriously? Damn. _

"Of course I'm excited."

"Are you all packed?"

"Yep."

"Call me every day, okay? And just because you and Iwaizumi aren't dating anymore does not mean you can go sleep around while you're in Spain. STDS are -"

"Okay! I'm gonna go pack now, bye."

Once in the safety of his room, began taking out anything that would remind him of Iwaizumi from his suitcase.

~~

Oikawa hates airports, no one explains anything clearly enough. Even when he comes an hour early, 90% of it is wasted on trying to figure out where the hell he is and where the fuck he's going. Oikawa decides to sit in an incongruous chair before his legs completely give out. 

" _ Plane 611 is leaving soon, all passengers please be on in the next 15 minutes."  _

Oikawa groaned as he threw his body in an exaggerated stand. "I would have been on earlier if it didn't take a whole year to find where I'm going." He mumbled while making his way for the exit. It took a lot of will power for Oikawa to not destroy his plane ticket and beg for Iwaizumi to take him back. But in all honesty, Oikawa said everything he wanted to yesterday. The conversation was put to an early stop, but Iwaizumi could have texted Oikawa if he still wanted to say something, or came over later that day. Nothing else could be said, Oikawa was being forced to move on. 

"Oikawa, wait!"

Oikawa froze like a deer caught in headlights. His only thought:  _ That asshole. _

Turning around, Oikawa comes face to face with a panting, sweaty, Hajime.

"You have some nerve." Oikawa bites. Yeah, he's still mad. 

"I know."

"What the fuck then?"

"Damnit, Tooru, you were right. I was being an idiot." 

"My plane leaves in a couple of minutes, I have to go."

"Please listen, you still have - like - twelve minutes."

Oikawa looks at his clock and then at Iwaizumi. Oikawa really would drop Spain, even right now as he glares at Iwaizumi. That doesn't mean he gonna let the other boy off easy.

"You have five minutes."

Hajime smiled, which is quite rare, and Oikawa loses it. His heart starts to piece it's self together just so it can beat for Hajime.  _ This is bullshit.  _ Oikawa thinks, but he doesn't move. 

"Tooru, I love you. I love you so much I don't want you to hold back for any reason. I want to see you succeed and go after the dream you've worked so hard for. It was wrong of me to not consider your feelings about this." Tears formed in the corners of Hajime's eyes. "I never wanted to hurt you, I was being selfish and scared. I want the best for you, honestly."

Iwaizumi reached for the other's face to wipe away the tears Oikawa didn't even know where there. That only caused more.

"Will you come back to me?"

Tooru wrapped his arms around Hajime. "Fuck you, I already said I would."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't make decisions like that without me, Okay?"

"Okay. People are staring - you should go."

Oikawa rolled his eyes but complies. He steps back to look in Hajime's eyes. A new fire grows in Oikawa, one that doesn't burn but radiates warmth and hope.

"I'll be back."

"I know."

_ It burns. In a good way. _


End file.
